Mental health blog 2 🦋

27th December 2018

Well what a year it has been !! Iv met some lovely people this year and have said goodbye to people as well as deleted the negatives out off my life. This year has been an absolute blast✨

Time for a update it’s been six months since I wrote my first blog & published it (13th May 2018).I must say I’m impressed on how it’s hit 25 countries and the amount of good feedback I have received.I’d recommend you reading my first blog before reading this one –

This blog is going to be more positives than negatives and very much less off self harm & suicide attempts. So much has changed for the best since 6 months ago.

There may be a TRIGGER warning in this blog !!!

I won’t be going into a lot of detail in this blog,as many know I’m writing an autobiography. which I hope for it to be published sometime next year !!

Soo i completed my level 2 princes trust programme in April and continued to concentrate on my recovery. Although after finishing princes trust I was back doing nothing all day & everyday, but that was my choice. Apart from weekends I was out and about during night times !! I still attended the youth club and help volunteer on a Monday and Wednesday night. I continued to attend my mental health group (Better together) every Thursday night.

I needed to find a new hobby or an activity to keep my self occupied and a routine to get into. Since I turned 18 I got into a very bad habit going out every weekend drinking ;I guess I was loving the freedom. I very much loving the bingo with the mother, it was our 121 quality time together that I never felt we really had. My mental health was stable and I didn’t want it to backslide.I started to make a positive in each day; even if it was something simple such as getting dressed each day or making lunch for my self. From May I continued to get 121 support from my mental health nurse and then from my support worker until July; It came to an end with my support worker and finished on a positive note.

I wanted to find a simple focus to look forward to within the next couple of months. I decided I wanted to do a charity fundraiser for the charity that’s helped me during my toughest days. I chosen to do MIND… MIND is a mental health charity that gives 121 support online. They will be there to listen they give out free information and support about your own personal mental health . I had no idea what fundraising I was going to do . Me being me going for the most extreme thing you could possibly do after some research …..Yes I decided to do a skydive without putting any thought into it. I Dragged my older sister Lorna into this skydive fundraiser with me and somehow she agreed. We booked the skydive on the 18th off June ,for the 1st off October 2018 .We prepared for the skydive and sorted out the funding page.

My mental health was improving considering last year (2017) and into this year it was a massive struggle for my self with self harm & suicide attempts.I still have my good days and then bad days. My bad days involve me not even able to get up and sleep into the late afternoon. Sleep is my escape from reality!! I won’t be able to do simple everyday tasks such as making sure I eat or get dressed. My mental health has been up and down, Mood swings, suicidal thoughts. My mood can fluctuate quickly I would have suicidal thoughts on my darkest off days. Iv acted on those suicidal thoughts and some many stupid things .Iv had many blips this year as I call them. Which includes me self harming, doing stupid things to make me feel better in the inside. Besides Iv kept away from the Hospital and staying overnight. Which is a massive improvement for myself. Iv had to go up the hospital a few times due to me being unable to keep my self safe, but they sent me home as always with diazepams.

I had a close friend during the summer who I was with 24/7. She kept me safe on my darkest off days and gave me a safe place.Unfortually We don’t remain friends with her due to an disagreement. But that didn’t stop me to keep going and continuing my summer. During the summer I had family outgoing days too Great Yarmouth and watched the fireworks every Wednesday nights. The summer garden parties during the day with music blaring, Sun shining a swimming pool and surrounded with friends; Full off laughs and giggles !!!

As you may know I’m out every weekend Friday and Saturday nights. I Meet up with friends play pool in my regular pub; and then probably end up in a night club – Notleys and then Faith. Don’t normally walk in my house until 3-4 in the morning oops !!! I don’t get absolutely wrecked when I’m out somehow I can drink and drink. Strange huh.. .When I’m out I like to keep an eye on my friends and the public and make sure they are alright. Many off times I’ve seen young and drunk on the floor the public just walk on and mind there own business, But I can’t just walk past… I offer the help if they need a taxi or whatever.

I had my first BBC news (Look East) interview in August with my friend .There was a new study that came out about young people and self harm. After the interview I had The journal news paper get in contact with me and wanted to write an article about my charity skydive and my blog. ( I will connect the article and BBC interview in the media off my website). Coming at the end off September I decided I wanted to have something to do during the days. I started to volunteer with the Princes trust programme everyday 9-3.

My charity skydive came round pretty fast. Although it was too windy on the day we booked (1st October) it so we had to rescheduled it a couple days after. Although I couldn’t eat that morning due to nerves building up; still got some fruit in me. Getting to the venue off the skydive beccels airfield; we arrived just after 12.30 I had family and friends there as well as my mental health nurse as-well as my old support worker. We had to wait for just over 1 hour, me and my sister was on the 3rd plane which was the last one. The time came where we had to get equipped to get ready ;For us to take the leap off faith and jump 13,000ft high out off the aeroplane. I got a video recording off my skydive too !! Many called me absolutely crazy for Doing this. Besides we raised just over £1,000 for the charity that’s helped me in the past. I couldn’t breathe on the free fall Apart from that it was the most amazing experience ever.

I continued to volunteer at the princes trust and went on residential with them .Which I enjoyed seeing the students build up there weaknesses and confidence during the residential and their time on the Programme. I lost a close friend due to a motorbike accident beginning off November which was a shock too everyone who knew him. We use to play a lot off pool during the weekends in my local pub. Use to drag him out into the night clubs which he enjoyed. We spent quite a-bit off time together. I’m still going out every weekend drinking and whipping peoples arses at pool. I had my second BBC news interview also !!

December came and Christmas was coming round real fast. Me and my older sister decided to go half’s on Christmas presents. I wasn’t in the Christmas spirit this year for some strange reason. But I spent the Christmas round my dads and step mums,with my brother and sisters; was lovely seeing everyone open their presents especially my little sister. She was more interested in the wrapping paper and putting it in her mouth🙈 Christmas was lovely, and new year haven’t got there yet but I’ll get there 🙂

Highlights off 2018 – 18th birthday !! Two BBC news interviews, One news paper article, one amazing skydive , Meeting lovely people on my nights out 🤪 and let a little secret out I have a little brother or sister on the way 😍

Well well it’s the end of my blog I must say this has been the year… 2017 was horrible 2018 has Been a blast !!! I will see you guys in 2019 in my autobiography !!

You guys has made my year and made me the person I am today, let me just end it with there is a light at the end off the tunnel 💪🏼